I also stopped worrying about what other people thought of my decision and instead spent time with people who truly supported me. With that in mind, I'd say that the thing that I've most commonly felt after dumping someone has been an overwhelming sense of relief. Even through the moments where I wasn't so sure.
And I've been the 'dumper' in every serious and not-so-serious relationship I've had. There is no greater catalyst for the fluctuation of feelings than a breakup, and so an ex can and usually will bounce between both of these behavioral poles. Put your energy into that. I also experienced some of those moments.
I wonder how much of the guilt stems from personal experience with the feelings of being dumped? But what about dumpers?
I feel like I did a difficult, right, strong thing, and it makes me feel good. There are events in your life which will leave you changed irrevocably from the person you were before, for better or worse; that was one of them for me. But oh, to have not gotten married in the first place. And I was right - soon after he found an incredible woman who pursued him like he was the last best man on the planet, feel in love, married her and they have three kids.
A defensive ex may not initiate contact, but will respond swiftly. If you did promise to be with them forever, then I guess you have to remember that a relationship does not succeed based on length, but on quality.
What I found surprising was that - even though people were shocked that I dumped him since we seemed, well, fine together - there were a few older women, around my mom's age, who commended me for being strong enough to leave him, as opposed to just settling for this guy I no longer had strong feelings for, marrying him, and feeling trapped for the rest of my life. This continues unilt the dumpee completely causes the dumper to stay away from them permanently. The dumpee wants to undo the feeling of being rejected by looking for love and affection.
Posted by: Milkree | on October 2, 2012
The dividing line is often so manifestly subtle that we can drive ourselves insane attempting to assuage our own insecurity by making sense of it all. That's been something a little tough to confront. Staying with him would have been compromising my desires and needs, and ultimately once he got past the pain I think he got healthier too.
Keep your eye on this one. I know that if you asked him now he'd probably say he had no regrets.
The blind was very present with me for boundaries afterwards, every other, expression, the way they filtered and I gentle dyed through my head on a hardly apex. Your feelings are not something you can dumpers guilt.
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And for how work. I just better it to end.